


Slow Descent

by ElysiumsFalling



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Betrayal, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Despair, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Regret and Madness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-07 20:53:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14679300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElysiumsFalling/pseuds/ElysiumsFalling
Summary: Draco's made his choice. He just wishes it was a choice he could live with.





	Slow Descent

 

Draco’s hands shook as he pressed the mouth of his butterbeer to his lips. He didn’t even taste the amber liquid as it washed over his tongue. All he tasted was the acidic wash of nerves boiling up from his stomach. Zabini was watching him. The black-haired demon had stared at him all morning with those penetratingly evil eyes. The rhythmic pulse throbbing in Draco’s chest and ears was threatening to drive him over the edge, into a fit of lunacy and dementia. The round, hard lump in his throat had swollen to the size of a crystal ball and he had to force himself to take long deep breaths to fill his lungs.  

He’d had his nightmare again last night. He could still smell the putrid odor of rotting flesh from the catacombs. Harry had lain dead in his arms and Draco had lived. Draco wanted to live. He loved Harry to the very depths of his pathetic, cowardly soul, but Draco wanted to live. In the end, no matter what he felt for his green-eyed Gryffindor, Draco was a Death Eater and Harry was the enemy. Harry was  _ his _ enemy,  _ his _ undoing. Harry would cost him his soul. The blond closed his eyes as he felt the madness inch closer to the surface. He sucked in another strangled breath, drank another mouthful of bile, and set the bottle back on the dirty wooden table.  

After today none of it would matter anymore. Nothing would matter anymore. Harry said he trusted him. He trusted Draco to make the right choice, the noble choice, and help him. He wouldn’t be afraid as long as Draco was with him and that’s how Draco wanted it. He didn’t want his lover to be afraid. He wanted him to be brave until he took his very last breath. Draco had received word from Zabini last night that his father had escaped from Azkaban. The Dark Lord had undoubtedly freed him for their impending victory.  Draco’s hands shook again. His father would be there. They would all be there. How could he turn his back on them? How could he betray his own family, even for the man he loved? 

The sad and terrifying realization was…he couldn’t. He’d hold Harry’s hand and kiss his mouth, and tell him that he loved him. He wanted to feel Harry against him, warm, and alive, and untouched. After today, Draco wouldn’t have another chance to say all the things he’d wanted to say from the beginning. There would be no second chances. Draco would be lost to Harry. His father would accept him now. He would finally be one of them.

Draco made his way out of the Hogshead and moved towards The Three Broomsticks. Harry, Ron, and Hermione would probably be having lunch there and if he didn’t do this now, he might never do it. There was a pleasant, sweet-smelling warm breeze today and it made the acid in Draco’s stomach churn even more. Zabini had given him a small nod before leaving the Hogshead and Draco had to resist the urge to cast _Crucio_ on him. He would have enjoyed watching the demon’s chest split open and kick him as he writhed around on the floor in agony. Draco shuddered again, the madness slipping ever so much closer, and stopped across the street from the small tavern.

 _Harry trusts you_.

The blond choked back a sob and closed his eyes.

 _Harry trusts you_.

He waited for a few moments, collecting his frazzled nerves and then crossed the street to the tavern. The Gryffindor trio was huddled closely together at a corner table and it was Hermione that caught sight of him first. Her bushy brown mane of hair popped up over their lowered heads and she smiled at him, SMILED AT HIM! When had that happened? Another shudder. She poked Harry gently in the arm and pointed towards the door. Harry and Ron both turned in the direction she pointed and Harry furrowed his brow. Draco couldn’t go over to the table. He knew that they would see through him. Instead, he forced a quivering smile and held out his hand.

Harry nodded at him, made his goodbyes to his friends, and crossed the room to stand in front of him. Draco didn’t say anything, couldn’t say anything. He only took his hand and led him out into the warm glow of daylight. They walked in silence for a long time. When they reached the edge of town, Harry looped his arm in Draco’s. The blond reached over and placed his hand on his lover’s arm, squeezing ever so gently. They continued to walk in silence until they passed into the first wave of the forest. Harry was the first to speak.

“Where are we going, Draco?” he asked softly.

Draco stopped, drew in another deep breath, and turned to face him. “There’s something I want to tell you, Harry. I…” his hands were shaking again and he pulled Harry against him so he wouldn’t have to look into those confused and trusting green eyes. “I love you, Harry. I’ve loved you from the beginning. I was just too blind and too arrogant to see it. I never…I never meant to hurt you. I never really wanted to hurt you. I just wanted you to see me, not the sneering, condescending Draco Malfoy that you’re used to, but the  _ real _ me.”

Harry wrapped his arms tightly around Draco’s shoulders and pressed his cheek to the blond’s neck. “I  _ do _ see you, Draco.”

Pulling away, hands still shaking, he cupped Harry’s chin and gently kissed his mouth. Harry’s lips tasted sweet, like butterbeer and chocolate. The Gryffindor smelled like peppermint and ginger. Draco could feel Harry’s heart pounding in rhythm with his own and it made Draco’s head swim a bit. He kissed him again and again, memorizing the taste on his lips. When Harry’s lips parted to let Draco’s tongue in, the heat of the other boy’s mouth nearly scalded him. He slipped his hands down from Harry’s face and encircled his slender waist. The blond feared he would crush the smaller boy, but he needed Harry as close to him as possible. Draco wanted to brand this feeling of Harry against him into his very skin.

Finally, he pulled away, gasping for breath, but keeping Harry pinned against him. “I…I want you to know that I’ll be there, Harry. I won’t leave you alone. I’ll be there when you need me.”

Harry smiled and kissed the trembling blond on his forehead. “I know, Draco. I trust you. I know I’m safe when I’m with you.”

Draco shuddered violently again and one single tear fell from the storm raging in his eyes. “You believe in me that much?”

Harry backed away a bit and leveled his eyes with Draco’s. “I love you, Draco.” He placed a hand on Draco’s heart and smiled at the pounding below it. “I know your heart. You’re stronger than anyone gives you credit for. I will never doubt where your loyalties lie.”

Draco kissed him one last time, the precious seconds of that kiss lingering in agonizing moments of utter and total completion. When their lips parted, Draco backed away, wand in hand. Harry only stared at him. Draco’s chest was convulsing from choked sobs, though he would never give his fellow Death Eaters the pleasure of hearing him cry. He stared into Harry’s eyes, those beautiful, emblazoned green-eyes that had captured him for so long. They would haunt him after today.

“Draco?” Harry’s voice echoed in his head. He was looking worriedly at him.

When Draco raised his wand, his hand shook with the force of a dying soul. Harry only continued to stare at him, understanding dawning in his eyes. Those green eyes were sparkling and his voice was calm as he spoke.

“To Voldemort then,” he whispered softly and though his voice was clam, the betrayal was all too clear.  

“Forgive me,” Draco rasped and Harry managed a small smile.

“I’ll be waiting for you on the other side,” he told him and never bothered to reach for his wand.

“Crucio!” another cried and Draco watched in horror as his lover dropped to the ground, convulsing as his slender body collapsed in on itself.

Six figures, cloaked in black, stepped from the shelter of the forest and made their way to him. Draco’s eyes never left Harry. There was a hand on his shoulder. He assumed it was his father’s. Lucius was talking to him, but all Draco could hear were Harry’s screams. Those same screams that would lead him into nightmares and wake him before the sunrise. Those horrid black-framed glasses had fallen off into the dirt and Bellatrix stepped on them. Draco’s hand tightened on his wand. His knuckles were white and he could feel the wand cracking against his palm. Lucius’ voice was in his ear now.

“I’m proud of you my son. You’ve finally proven yourself a true, Malfoy. The Dark Lord will be very pleased with you. You are truly one of us now,” he whispered and pushed Draco’s wand hand down by his side.

Harry lay still and fragile. He was unconscious and deathly pale. Crimson painted what were normally pale pink lips and they were parted in the twisted form of a mock scream. The bile at the back of Draco’s mouth spilled across his tongue and he swallowed to keep from retching. Bellatrix was stooping over his Harry and Draco wanted to kill her. She couldn’t touch him! None of them could touch him! Harry was his. Only his. Draco didn’t move though. Were he to move, his boneless legs would collapsed into the dirt before him and he would never rise again.  

He could hear the sound of birds chirping happily in the distance and the warm breeze licked at his cheeks again. The Death Eaters were apparating away now and Harry disappeared with them, bound and irreparably broken. Before following them, Draco knelt down, retrieved the broken glasses from the ground, and tucked them safely in his robes. A cold blanket of dread washed over him as he stood. He wished he were numb. He willed away the feel of flesh and hot kisses on his skin. Draco stared at the spot where Harry had been standing; he could still feel the warmth of that precious body against him.

“I told you I would hurt you, Harry,” Draco whispered to the vivid memory of green-eyes before him. “And now you’re going to die, just as I have.”

With a loud crack, Draco was gone, clutching tightly to the taste of Harry on his lips, and the rampant madness that coursed over his shattered mind.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Comments are welcome. No flaming please or you can find the door and kick yourself out of it. I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters. If I did... this still wouldn't be what happened. But hey... fiction.
> 
> Blessed Be!


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